Yes, that's a Pinto

Reports off the news wires...

'61 Nash

Frustrated driver has Merc destroyed with sledge hammers

A frustrated driver in China hired men armed with sledge hammers to destroy his Mercedes-Benz. Mr Wang started his two-day protest with a cow pulling the car through the streets of Wuhan in the central Hubei province, the Beijing Morning Post reports. Mr Wang reportedly claims he's had to repair the car five times in the last year.

Tomorrow Mr Wang, currently enduring his fifth head cold of the year, will hire burley men with large tongs to pull off his nose.

Naked driver clocks up 15,000 miles

An Iowa man has achieved his goal of driving 15,000 miles in the nude. Dave Wolz practices naturism mainly at home, in his car and at nudist camps. He said: "On Monday, December 17, 2001, at about 9.50am, just north of mile marker 98 on Interstate 39 in Illinois, I reached my goal of 15,000 miles driving naked." The 47-year-old had already made trips across the US, mostly for chess tournaments.

Mr Wolz is Iowa's most successful chess master, as his opponents frequently opt to play "blind-fold chess." The fact is, it's most impressive that somebody did anything naked in Iowa in December.

'68 Camaro
'60 Valiant

Twelve-year-old drove mum's car 124 miles

Two children drove 124 miles in their mum's car before being stopped by police. The seven and twelve-year-old from Essen in Germany said they wanted to visit their dad in Denmark. They even stopped to fill the car up with petrol during the journey on Christmas Day. Thomas Albrecht from the traffic police said the 12-year-old was driving "quite professionally".

Too bad, but it would have been a record distance for a twelve-year-old driver if only he had been naked.

Lorry driver glues mobile phone to his hand

A lorry driver ended up in hospital after accidentally gluing a mobile phone to his hand. Terry Chivers managed to drive himself to the accident and emergency unit with the phone still attached. Mr Chivers, from Wiltshire, had been trying to repair the handset when it stuck fast. Nurses used another solvent to release him from his mobile, reports The Sunday People.

Mr Chivers has received thousands of emails from San Francisco drivers, asking his advice on the best glue to use.

'69 AMX
'62 Monza

Man shot at police to draw attention to his flat tyre

A motorist allegedly shot at police because he had a flat tyre and wanted to attract their attention. The officers heard a gunshot as they drove past a stationary Toyota in Pretoria. A 24-year-old man has been charged with attempted murder. Inspector Anton Breedt said that the man admitted to firing the shot because he wanted the officers to help change the flat tyre.

Ironically, the officers would not have left their patrol car to change the flat tyre anyway, as they were members of the elite Naked Justice Squad.

Cyclist's finger bitten off in road rage incident

A motorist has been accused of biting off a cyclist's finger during a road rage row in Italy. The cyclist, who hasn't been named, allegedly scratched the motorist's car as he was passing him in the centre of Bologna. According to police reports, the two started insulting each other before parking their vehicles and continuing their row on the pavement. Tgcom website reports the 61-year-old motorist bit the cyclist's left hand and did not let go until he managed to wrench his little finger off.

Fortunately the victim still has his most important cycling finger intact for future rides in traffic.

'65 GTO
'69 AMC

Government targets kissing drivers in road campaign

Swaziland's government is targeting drivers who cause accidents by kissing their partners while at the wheel. The Minister of Public Works and Transport says drivers should wait until they've reached their destinations. Titus Mlangeni told the Times of Swaziland that stray livestock also cause accidents, and he is asking owners to keep an eye on their cattle, sheep and goats.

The government is especially targeting drivers who kiss their goats—at least until they reach their destinations.

Cat saved from Turkish shooting dies on Dutch road

A kitten saved by a Dutch couple from being shot in Turkey has been run over by a car in Holland. Freddy Joling and Ellie Boer befriended the stray while on holiday in Bodrum. After learning the authorities planned to shoot all stray cats, Freddy travelled back from Holland to rescue it. In a mercy mission costing hundreds of pounds, Shansle was brought to her new home in Stadskanaal. But she died under the wheels of a car in her new neighbourhood, reports the Groninger Dagblad newspaper. Ellie said: "Emotionally we are in pieces. Little Shansle got used to this neighbourhood and was allowed to take her daily walk in the garden. Last Friday she didn't return. Neighbours told us she was found dead on a parking lot. We had done everything to save her from the bullet and here she got run over by a car."

This reminds me of the classic short story by Jorge Luis Borges, in which a man learns that he's fated to die in a car crash, so he escapes aboard a flight to Istambul, only to perish when another passenger's Mercedes-Benz falls out of the overhead compartment and crushes him. Although maybe that wasn't Borges.

'59 Edsel
'53 Fiesta

Motorists glued to the road

A motorist and his car got stuck to an Italian road after a lorry carrying glue crashed ahead of him. The car ground to a halt as gallons of extra strong construction glue spread across the tarmac. When the driver got out to investigate he also stuck to the road. He spent most of the evening calling for help until rescuers arrived and dissolved the glue.

As a patriotic American, I'm alarmed that the Europeans are pulling well ahead of us in the Glue Solvent Race. These crafty Europeans seem able to dissolve anything!

Survey shows sex in cars is a favourite pastime

A quarter of workers have had sex in the car park after a Christmas party, according to an online survey. MSN Carview asked people to respond to their internet sex questionnaire - and they got 38,000 replies. The company says 84% of respondents admit they regularly have sex in the car. Around one in five women from Cheshire claim to have sex at least once a month or as often as possible in the car, while just under one in five men in the South-East admit they've injured themselves while having sex in the car. 22% of Newcastle women say they've had a sexual experience in the back of a taxi.

I'm pleased to learn that cars are, in fact, useful for something.

'61 Studebaker

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